Fussiness in Early Learning

As we have been discussing, early learning is an important part of any child's development, but there will be moments, days, (even longer periods of time) when it seems as if your child is too fussy, crabby, or (or insert other descriptive here), to be learning anything. As I write this article today, my now nine year old is busy more or less entertaining himself. My days of dealing with a young child (6 and under) at home have been over for a while. And while part of my daily teaching duties continues to be the supervision of young children, I have at least had a good breather at home in this area.

I'm letting you in on these details for a couple of reasons- to let you know that my experience in this area is more as a parent and teacher and less as a medical expert- (if you have concerns about fussiness for your own child, pediatricians are an excellent resource*)- and to let you know that you and your child will survive this period of development. (Reread those last ten words as much as needed- believe me, I've been there**). All this being said, here are a few tips for both preventing fussiness and dealing with it as it happens.

1. Make sure all basic needs are met- Every trained teacher knows about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It's basically a model to show that basic needs like food, water, general health, love, should be met first before less essential needs, like the need to be stimulated intellectually for instance. So if your young child is fussing, check to make sure all those basic needs are met, and you'll most likely get to the bottom of it.
2. Establish a predictable routine- One of the major needs described by Maslow is safety. We all need to feel safe, and a predictable routine can help provide a sense of safety for young ones. Try to establish a daily pattern that is similar every day- wake up times, meal times, nap times, bed times, even screen and play times. As a music person, I suggest using songs to let children know what it will be time for next as well. For early learning, the best time of day for young ones is the morning, so try to schedule classes or playgroups for that time if possible.
3. Try one of these methods of soothing/behavior incentives- The younger a child is, the more you'll want to soothe (swaddle, hold, rock, sing), and the older a child is, the more you'll want to give them a chance to practice deciding how they want to behave (using their developing cortex, which allows for this function). So read through this list knowing that some will work better for the 0-2 age group and some for the 3-6 age group.
Swaddling- If I could recommend one thing above all others to soothe a baby, it would be swaddling. This is when you very snuggly wrap your baby with either a blanket or a swaddling wrap. You can even wrap the baby close to yourself and practice baby wearing with something like a Moby wrap, which leads me to the next suggestion.
Attachment parenting- The idea with attachment parenting is that the closer your very young one is to you, the happier they will be, and the better able they will be to self soothe later on. Carrying your baby also gives them the sensation of rocking, or being in the womb.
Rocking/swinging- Being rocked or being in a swing sometimes has a magical effect on young children. It can calm them down or put them to sleep. If your baby responds really well to a swing, invest in one that has a higher weight limit. Just remember to follow safety guidelines and time limits.
Sing/play music- This is where you get to be creative and find music that will soothe your baby. I strongly suggest singing, as this will calm you as well and can happen regardless of whether you are near a music player or not, but if you have a particular recorded song you find that works to soothe your child- play it. I could talk much more about specific music to calm your child- but I won't here- just think calming or lullaby- or even happy or upbeat, whatever works for your child.
Behavior incentives- Let your child choose how to proceed from fussiness. Help them with the logic- "If you can calm down, we can stay and play a little longer. If you can't calm down, we'll have to leave." You can reward your children for good behavior- "If you listen well at storytime, we can go out for ice cream afterwards." Just try not to go from the bad behavior straight to the reward- "If you can calm down, we can go out for ice cream afterwards." (If you do that, your child will misbehave more often. Why? Because they get ice cream.)
4. Aurally, respond to fussiness, but disengage with tantrums- Talking, even singing or playing music for young children helps usher children through momentary difficulties. However, if your child is experiencing a tantrum- uncontrollable crying fits that start at 12 months- soothing a child aurally is often unhelpful. Tantrums are the result of a developing brain being on overload. Disengaging with a tantrum lets your child know that it's not a good way to get attention at least. Let your child know they are having a tantrum, and they need space to let it pass away from other people because it is unpleasant. Take them to a quiet place, be present until it passes, try not to pass further judgement on the matter, or worse yet- let other people pass judgement- then move on- try a change of scene perhaps.
5. Try a change of scene- Going for a drive or walk- or better yet, a drive to a peaceful place, then a walk, was really effective with my son. Driving for a bit often resulted in a short nap, then the walk afterwards, often out on a trail in California's East Bay, was pleasant for both of us!

You'll hear this a lot- "Every child is different," and it's true! What works to soothe or motivate one child may not work for another one. Trial and error may be necessary until you find something that works. In addition, please always remember to take care of yourself as well! Give yourself a "time out-" make time to recharge and be ready to cope through the next day. Always remember, you have the advantage- a mature, reasoning, fully developed brain, one that can help usher your young one to be a reasonable adult later on. It will happen! Listed below are some books by medical experts that have helped me in how to deal with my son's more fussy moments- check them out! And because I didn't get a chance to talk much this time about music that will calm young children, that will be the subject of next week's article- stay tuned!

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Happiest Baby on the Block, Harvey Karp, M.D. (Bantam, Updated Edition, 2015)
Happiest Toddler on the Block, Harvey Karp, M.D. (Bantam, Revised Edition, 2008)
Touchpoints, Baby to Three, T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. (De Capo Lifelong Books, Revised Edition, 2006)
Touchpoints, Three to Six, T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. (De Capo Lifelong Books, Revised Edition, 2002)

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